Writing 'I Didn't Die'

Writing the book, “I Didn’t Die” was something that was a long time coming. I knew I wanted to write it but I didn’t know how I was going to put the story together. The idea and concept came to me over a year ago but I didn’t have the concept of this book in my head yet. 


The one thing I didn’t want to do was write this book and the characters die. I’m not someone who condones suicide and this is what the book is about. The focus is on men’s mental health and the struggles they face on an everyday basis.


While we talk about male suicide, the statistics are alarming and the events that happened in 2020 definitely didn’t help the cause. Men are stigmatized for speaking on their struggles and are forced to keep things bottled in. There isn’t enough sensitivity and empathy for men who struggle mentally and it’s something that needs to be talked about extensively.


Writing this story was incredibly important for me as I’ve had mental health struggles from depression to anxiety. A lot went on in my life where I needed someone to talk to about what I’m dealing with. Some men don’t feel comfortable talking to a complete stranger about their struggles.


Society labels men as weak for needing therapy or someone to talk to. There are a lot of cultures where therapy is frowned upon. Where men don’t have relationships with their parents, family members or friends to talk to about what they’re dealing with. 

That is the reason why I wrote this book. It focuses on two main characters who are at wit’s end in their lives and they’re ready to take their own lives. 


The book cover was important for me to paint a picture of darkness, gloomy and a man trying to figure it out. I make my book covers on Canva a lot so I’m meticulous in what I choose and I add things to it. I’ll change the fonts, add certain elements to bring out the cover with more substance and impact. 


While I was writing this story (after brainstorming and crafting the chapters and outline), I had to dig deep and put myself in a man’s shoes who no longer wants to live. Sadly, I’ve known people who didn’t want to live anymore and thankfully I was able to talk to them and get them to realize there’s so much more to their lives. 


For us, we all have a purpose and reason why we’re here. When we figure that out along with what we’re meant to do, then a lot of our lives fall into place. A lot of men take themselves out because they don’t feel useful, no purpose and it’s easier to not be around them then to get the help they need to figure everything out.


Our minds as men tend to go to a place of sadness, depression, uncertainty, where we can’t figure out anything for ourselves. While this story doesn’t address every single aspect of what men go through from a mental health standpoint, I needed to write a story that’s surely relatable to a lot of men. 


Hopefully, I did this story justice and that you’ll learn about these two main characters Benjamin and Samuel who are on paths to not being alive anymore but learning that their struggles won’t last forever. “I Didn’t Die" is available on B&N, Apple, Kobo, Scribd and other bookstores. Paperbacks are available on The Bookpatch. 


Thanks for reading, this story is surely a must read! Be good everyone and go accomplish your goals!


Jamell Crouthers


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