My Mental Struggles Internally

Here is my truth...I deal with mental struggles internally. It’s not hard to say because it’s my story and part of who I am. It doesn’t define me and it’s something I work on everyday. It’s surely a ‘one day at a time’ ordeal and keeping my mind right. 


My mental struggles stems from insecurities that I’ve dealt with all of my life. It goes back to when I was a kid. I was always one of the shortest, skinniest and overlooked kids. When it comes to sports, dating girls and being comfortable with who I am, yes, I’m a decent looking gentleman, I’m no major celebrity that women gawk at all day, everyday. 


When it comes to my mental struggles, I deal with a lot of overthinking, overanalyzing, uncertainty and not thinking that I’m good enough. It took me a good two years before I started to believe in myself and my writing. It took me 3 months to believe in the content I was writing. It took me 6 months to get comfortable behind the microphone and doing my podcast. 


Other aspects of my life can be struggles at times. And yes I’ve gone to therapy for these things. I deal with Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANT) and it’s basically thinking the worst before anything even happens. It stems from trust issues in my life, being alone and to myself a lot and pushing people away when I don’t want to be bothered (which is part of my personality that I don’t always like).


There’s always this drive to prove people wrong but I’m at a place in my life now where I don’t need to do that. I don’t hold grudges anymore, I’m more quiet about how I go about things. My therapist was very helpful in helping me get clarity on who I am, why I think the way I do and how to improve consistently and daily and I’m forever thankful and gracious for how much she’s helped me. 


When I tell you I go through things, I do. But I’m here to tell you, you can get through them with the necessary help. Please don’t doubt yourself, don’t hold things in, don’t get down on yourself too long. You’re good enough, you’re great and struggles don’t last very long. I got the help I needed and months later I was able to move across the country and live on my own. Not to say I don’t have my days because I do, but I know how to manage it better and know where it’s coming from. 


Be good everyone and continue to grow and become great!


Jamell Crouthers


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