Dark, Cloudy Storms

The one thing I don’t ever want to do on this journey is to fake the funk. I want to be as honest and as transparent as possible. I don’t want anyone to think that any of what I’ve done or will do in the near future will be easy. I want to be authentic in my journey and the only way I do that is by sharing a lot of personal things that happen with me. 


When I refer to dark, cloudy storms, I talk about the moments where I’ve wanted to give up on all of this. Where I’ve wanted to walk away from everything I’ve put my all into. It was due to stress, not getting the results I wanted and hoped for, wondering how long it will take to achieve the success I seek. 


The dark, cloudy storms of all the books I want to write and how I was going to do it. Then adding on a website and writing blogs daily. Then adding a podcast and wanting to have that platform. When I got immersed into all of it, I was questioning myself and I wasn’t confident in what I was doing. It was how much of this did I want to keep doing and for how long.


The days where I had no motivation to do a thing but knew that taking 1-2 days off could potentially throw me off altogether. Knowing that if I gave up, I’ll always wonder “what if” I didn’t walk away, what could’ve been. The days where I doubt myself and how I’m writing my books, I just couldn’t formulate thoughts of how I was going to get my mind right. 


My dark, cloudy storms took me to a place where I needed help and I did get it through online therapy. I still struggle now with my thoughts but I’m getting better at it. I tell myself, one day at a time Jamell and I get through it. I make sure that my thoughts get better each day and I try to figure out why I’m thinking the way I am. 


Negative thoughts can consume your mind easily and quickly. Once they get there, you end up having to address it and understand what’s causing it. It’s due to me not being able to control the narrative of my results. Eventually, I realized that I can control my narrative and let the chips fall where they may. It’s the best way I can approach it. I know that I deal with Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANT) and it’s what I learned in therapy. 


There’s a lot of layers to my dark, cloudy storms. Especially the investments I made and saw no results from any of it. I’m talking hundreds of dollars and nothing. At that moment, I felt like a failure but I learned a lesson. Later on, you think that you’ll get that back and more down the road. 


What I will say is, you will have dark, cloudy storms. The rain will fall heavy on your heart, mind and soul. Let the rain hit you, let it entrench and drench you. Then you dry off, get warm and know that tomorrow, the sun could shine bright on your skin and things will be better. Learn from all that you experience and grow as time goes on. I promise, all the work you do pays off, someone is always watching…


That’s my blog for today, be good everyone and go accomplish your goals!


Jamell Crouthers


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